2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
