on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.