i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo