Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still