He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?