fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
