Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.