I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.