Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.