dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So drunk its hurt
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm laying in your front yard are you home