We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.