Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.