She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.