I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.