Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.