i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.