Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.