I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.