Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?