How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.