I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate