i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks