You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"