When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?