Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.