Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward