The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town