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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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