There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.