There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.