Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?