Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep