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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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