i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
