I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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