I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
