Texts From Last Night

teodramaqueen's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ...that shit cray.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
  Replies (14) Good night (4174) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK. http://tfl.nu/rcbs
  Replies (5) Good night (1267) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  he is risen halelujah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ (1-303): he is risen halelujah http://tfl.nu/sbcr
  Replies (6) Good night (1155) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring. http://tfl.nu/y78v
  Replies (8) Good night (375) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Last night was just one giant freudian slip.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You made out with EVERYBODY.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Can I just bleach my life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Last night was just one giant freudian slip. (503): You made out with EVERYBODY. (702): Can I just bleach my life? http://tfl.nu/dy05
  Replies (3) Good night (1344) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit. http://tfl.nu/qhz6
  Replies (2) Good night (1648) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck http://tfl.nu/04pl
  Replies (6) Good night (2020) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma http://tfl.nu/4ovd
  Replies (11) Good night (764) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  How did she break his doorknob?

  (1+41): View more from

  That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+41): How did she break his doorknob? (1+41): That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought. http://tfl.nu/2qqq
  Replies (4) Good night (1430) Bad night (225)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician. http://tfl.nu/nnrt
  Replies (7) Good night (1527) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown. http://tfl.nu/wxtg
  Replies (5) Good night (1820) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child http://tfl.nu/qzf1
  Replies (4) Good night (2458) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession http://tfl.nu/yu57
  Replies (5) Good night (2086) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'? http://tfl.nu/kmm3
  Replies (9) Good night (2032) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby. http://tfl.nu/s0x6
  Replies (9) Good night (1656) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench http://tfl.nu/9nh4
  Replies (20) Good night (5140) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West. http://tfl.nu/mnxm
  Replies (12) Good night (1583) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts. http://tfl.nu/jof7
  Replies (8) Good night (772) Bad night (1406)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea http://tfl.nu/v62m
  Replies (5) Good night (3137) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now. http://tfl.nu/pagz
  Replies (7) Good night (3671) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Gonna go for any of them?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go. (269): Gonna go for any of them? (248): Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us. http://tfl.nu/3pp6
  Replies (33) Good night (4259) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me http://tfl.nu/lgfh
  Replies (9) Good night (2771) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager. http://tfl.nu/qy4e
  Replies (11) Good night (2273) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back. http://tfl.nu/h2g1
  Replies (26) Good night (8545) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game. http://tfl.nu/v9p4
  Replies (4) Good night (1749) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen? http://tfl.nu/tjza
  Replies (20) Good night (5692) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode. http://tfl.nu/646n
  Replies (8) Good night (1595) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me. http://tfl.nu/26ae
  Replies (7) Good night (2959) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug. http://tfl.nu/2oj9
  Replies (10) Good night (2340) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents. http://tfl.nu/eaix
  Replies (6) Good night (2722) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions. http://tfl.nu/7qp6
  Replies (29) Good night (7889) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now http://tfl.nu/squr
  Replies (40) Good night (8882) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places http://tfl.nu/q4g8
  Replies (7) Good night (5180) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (6496) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry. http://tfl.nu/wsym
  Replies (11) Good night (6437) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/28bg
  Replies (18) Good night (6047) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I stole a bike. Here's a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight. (513): I stole a bike. Here's a pic http://tfl.nu/v50c
  Replies (10) Good night (3109) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up. http://tfl.nu/ay8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2248) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!" http://tfl.nu/z3ws
  Replies (10) Good night (3655) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car. http://tfl.nu/uk3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1677) Bad night (2866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out. http://tfl.nu/w208
  Replies (17) Good night (1086) Bad night (8554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one http://tfl.nu/hfte
  Replies (53) Good night (7211) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes. http://tfl.nu/a8d2
  Replies (13) Good night (6229) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Mike i'm at church right now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis... (1-214): Mike i'm at church right now... http://tfl.nu/uslc
  Replies (16) Good night (3879) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess. http://tfl.nu/8hwd
  Replies (8) Good night (3760) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window. http://tfl.nu/dr4o
  Replies (5) Good night (2913) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7229) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life http://tfl.nu/kko9
  Replies (21) Good night (6323) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe. http://tfl.nu/ztj4
  Replies (42) Good night (9557) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? http://tfl.nu/ubjm
  Replies (33) Good night (568) Bad night (4129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/n87w
  Replies (5) Good night (3235) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck. http://tfl.nu/5f0o
  Replies (24) Good night (9338) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast. http://tfl.nu/4kxl
  Replies (7) Good night (2806) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away. http://tfl.nu/4epj
  Replies (7) Good night (2371) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/igis
  Replies (6) Good night (1032) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never. http://tfl.nu/0ie8
  Replies (4) Good night (1206) Bad night (221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME http://tfl.nu/92a7
  Replies (43) Good night (515) Bad night (4071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/2fqf
  Replies (7) Good night (4179) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!" http://tfl.nu/6ypb
  Replies (14) Good night (2087) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way. http://tfl.nu/0pkj
  Replies (9) Good night (2755) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem. http://tfl.nu/ppj9
  Replies (27) Good night (4248) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga. http://tfl.nu/3ybq
  Replies (13) Good night (4606) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!! http://tfl.nu/1wys
  Replies (9) Good night (5855) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so. http://tfl.nu/nluj
  Replies (6) Good night (3031) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6107) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time? http://tfl.nu/zyvh
  Replies (30) Good night (5271) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2826) Bad night (37937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (28683) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist... http://tfl.nu/i7x2
  Replies (15) Good night (4510) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom http://tfl.nu/9j8t
  Replies (6) Good night (3729) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/614c
  Replies (10) Good night (3676) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you. http://tfl.nu/83yp
  Replies (5) Good night (2484) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused. http://tfl.nu/8r68
  Replies (2) Good night (3414) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/6dyk
  Replies (9) Good night (2892) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us. http://tfl.nu/2qw1
  Replies (11) Good night (4445) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick. http://tfl.nu/ip3w
  Replies (4) Good night (1970) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore. http://tfl.nu/xzjn
  Replies (12) Good night (1288) Bad night (3811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober. http://tfl.nu/pncu
  Replies (2) Good night (2651) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup. http://tfl.nu/3fht
  Replies (9) Good night (2974) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate http://tfl.nu/t9ao
  Replies (3) Good night (1967) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME http://tfl.nu/slem
  Replies (5) Good night (3810) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Oh Jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa (708): Oh Jesus. http://tfl.nu/7sg2
  Replies (9) Good night (2203) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline http://tfl.nu/c26b
  Replies (6) Good night (1735) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?! http://tfl.nu/6u5e
  Replies (12) Good night (3874) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk. http://tfl.nu/82pr
  Replies (3) Good night (1434) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable http://tfl.nu/jd9a
  Replies (12) Good night (6746) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill? http://tfl.nu/kp4x
  Replies (7) Good night (1872) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that? http://tfl.nu/s882
  Replies (56) Good night (7325) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag http://tfl.nu/f93g
  Replies (3) Good night (2142) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies. http://tfl.nu/6rhb
  Replies (35) Good night (7369) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried. http://tfl.nu/p6ag
  Replies (13) Good night (2222) Bad night (4175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6193) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/ch0g
  Replies (8) Good night (6735) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy http://tfl.nu/sv21
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (1601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): i think i would be more confident if i were chinese. http://tfl.nu/cr8w
  Replies (6) Good night (2381) Bad night (1544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (34) Good night (6864) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat... http://tfl.nu/4hvy
  Replies (26) Good night (2076) Bad night (3139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there. http://tfl.nu/8ypv
  Replies (24) Good night (3854) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. http://tfl.nu/fhlb
  Replies (35) Good night (4915) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out. http://tfl.nu/ydh3
  Replies (6) Good night (2286) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life. http://tfl.nu/cn7c
  Replies (15) Good night (6076) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13444) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  But what if I pay for the gas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain. (720): Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic. (303): But what if I pay for the gas? http://tfl.nu/j2h0
  Replies (53) Good night (824) Bad night (6632)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat? http://tfl.nu/3sn0
  Replies (93) Good night (874) Bad night (3074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark. http://tfl.nu/ophf
  Replies (9) Good night (5550) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/qqbj
  Replies (13) Good night (2862) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24. http://tfl.nu/ryw9
  Replies (40) Good night (784) Bad night (3740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice http://tfl.nu/wuko
  Replies (11) Good night (2940) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him.. http://tfl.nu/ejw3
  Replies (10) Good night (1149) Bad night (3310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z
  Replies (195) Good night (10196) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (12739) Bad night (1707)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store. http://tfl.nu/hql1
  Replies (14) Good night (1093) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early http://tfl.nu/4ftf
  Replies (62) Good night (6668) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings... http://tfl.nu/axpi
  Replies (16) Good night (3061) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj
  Replies (35) Good night (1575) Bad night (4762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I love you

  (720): View more from Colorado

  are you drunk

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yes but I def love you, we should get married

  (720): View more from Colorado

  But I'm Jewish

  (440): View more from Ohio

  embrace Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus http://tfl.nu/v32c
  Replies (9) Good night (2448) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe http://tfl.nu/mori
  Replies (4) Good night (4114) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me. http://tfl.nu/dox4
  Replies (8) Good night (3080) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  so you're single again?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  yea but it was worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face (1-334): so you're single again? (334): yea but it was worth it http://tfl.nu/2tzr
  Replies (46) Good night (4609) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned. http://tfl.nu/dk6w
  Replies (17) Good night (2588) Bad night (1555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7296) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life? http://tfl.nu/jl0s
  Replies (34) Good night (2963) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex. (860): what did you do? (203): i asked her out. that's so hot. http://tfl.nu/dg3d
  Replies (56) Good night (9111) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry. http://tfl.nu/q7zn
  Replies (9) Good night (2683) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals. http://tfl.nu/o5rq
  Replies (4) Good night (1963) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop http://tfl.nu/jz1j
  Replies (8) Good night (2741) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt