I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."