I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"