Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (760)

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  (760): View more from California

  ...so i touched it.

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  (760): ...so i touched it. http://tfl.nu/tqtb
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  BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY

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  (760): BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY http://tfl.nu/9dad
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  Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.

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  (760): Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland. http://tfl.nu/5y5k
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  Do you need to be saved?

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  No I think I'm God

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  (760): Do you need to be saved? (847): No I think I'm God http://tfl.nu/obwr
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  And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist

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  (760): And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist http://tfl.nu/o8qq
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  Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.

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  Party city is having a sale on maracas

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  (760): Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it. http://tfl.nu/7kaa
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  Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

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  (760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it! http://tfl.nu/qsog
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  ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!

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  (760): ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!! http://tfl.nu/73h7
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  Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.

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  (760): Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t. http://tfl.nu/80lo
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  I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.

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  (760): I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment. http://tfl.nu/vulx
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  Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.

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  I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.

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  I referred to the cat as amicable.

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  (760): Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat. (619): I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race. (760): I referred to the cat as amicable. http://tfl.nu/ls44
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  I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.

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  (760): I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional. http://tfl.nu/8oha
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  But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy

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  I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast

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  (760): But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy (530): I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast http://tfl.nu/lbbf
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  There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

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  (760): There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours. http://tfl.nu/m1ds
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  just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?

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  (760): just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this? http://tfl.nu/n5g9
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