I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket