Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.