You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.