I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.