I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.