I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners