Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.