There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that