& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.