When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult