Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize