Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you suck at this game today
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay