And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people