he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping