I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
