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Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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