yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's get the cat blown out
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
