whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
