the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.