this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the day after is always just damage control
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.