she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man