He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
do nipples grow back?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook